Padma Mahadev : As told to Ritu Sharma

Story of a caregiver as told by Padma Mahadev to 
Ritu Sharma

I was looking forward to meeting her again. I had met her over a year ago and had taken instant liking to her. I remembered her as a dignified lady with soft features and a gentle voice. 

I go over to her house and she shows so much warmth that I immediately feel at ease. I settle down in her living room and she in her sweet voice starts narrating the story….

Padma Mahadev, Care Giver

Padma had lost her father when she was very young. Her mother, a general physician, had moved to the US and was a very well known doctor there. A great believer in holistic medicine, she had filed a FDA for ozone therapy. As the FDA approval did not come though  Dr. Alwa underwent financial constraints and thought it prudent to relocate in India. She was 70 at the time.

Initial Signals

She moved in with her son and continued as a practicing doctor in India. One day she complained of having constipation. Padma felt that being a doctor her mother would know what best to do. In a few days time she talked about having diarrhea and also fainting in the bathroom. Padma was still not alarmed because she felt that mother would manage as she had 4 nurses and 2 other doctors at her disposal. Soon, her mother had started passing blood in stool. After consulting the doctor, endoscopy was performed. The tests revealed Stage 1 colon cancer and she was advised to go through surgery which meant she would have to carry a colostomy bag (an alternative channel for the feces to leave the body). She completely refused as she felt that it would take away her dignity.

Treatment

Instead, she started treating herself through alternate therapies. But Padma by this time was very worried and started applying pressure for a surgery as that was what the doctors had suggested. Eventually her mother agreed for the surgery, though immediately after undergoing it she wanted it reversed. She was so adamant about it that under pressure they operated on her within 20 days time where they should have given at least one month time for the earlier surgical wounds to heal. Immediately after surgery she went into depression. She would lie down in bed for most part and hardly eat anything and also started passing stool in bed. Doctors too were not communicative enough to clearly tell Padma that her mother’s time had come. After a struggle of one and half years, Padma’s mother passed away.

Padma’s Thoughts

Padma feels that as a caregiver she was always in constant denial of the situation. All the time she felt that her mother being a doctor would be able to handle the situation.
She regrets that she did not do enough she felt pressured due to her own confusion, taking care of the house and the responsibilities etc. Also, she took care of her mother singlehandedly instead of employing a nurse as she felt it was her duty to do so. This increased her stress further and she got more and more irritable and angry. Her brother was in constant denial of the situation and refused to even meet the mother. This made it even worse for the mother, she felt un-loved.

Now looking back Padma reflects on how best care giving can be done

-         Don’t take control, listen to the patient and ask them what they want and don’t go against their wishes

-         Their dignity has to be maintained

-         Treat the person with love and not as a duty to be fulfilled

-         Take help from others instead of wanting to do everything yourself, be there as a emotional support

-         Show love, show your connection to them, show that they are such an important part of their lives, all relatives and friends should make the patient feel wanted

-         Take care of yourself too while taking care of the patient

-         Do not isolate them

-         Listen to the doctor even if you are a doctor

-         And most importantly, one must remember:  while we cannot enhance the years of a cancer patient, we can definitely strive to enhance the quality of their life.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She invites me to her dining room and offers me hot tea. It is a pleasure meeting her husband and her beautiful daughter. They too are so warm and welcoming that we get into an easy flowing conversation. When we say our good bye and I start back home, I am thinking about the nice, warm and affectionate family I had just met.