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Press Release 18-9-2011

The dreaded 'C' Shivakumar Kalyan's story Part 1

It was a pleasant evening of October 2006, when i was taking a brisk walk in the park near my house. A sudden shooting pain in the groin and a nagging low back pain stopped me in my tracks. I soon guessed that it was due to a urological problem that I had been facing since one year. I decided to consult an urologist who immediately asked me to do a blood test and an ultrasound. He put me on some temporary medication to relieve the pain. And when the results came, the doctor looked pretty grim and said that I have to urgently undergo a bone scan and meet him with the report at the earliest. The diagnostic reports confirmed his worst fears - I was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer with bone metastases and lymph node involvement and graded stage 4 - which in simple language means that the cancer had spread from the prostate to the lymph nodes and the bones. The treatment possibility was more or less restricted to just palliative care. The PSA reading was an alarming 360 against the normal level of maximum 4.
As an energetic 62 yr old at that time, I was suddenly confronted with this life threatening ailment and my world suddenly seemed to go into a topsy turvy.


The doctors gave me a choice between surgery along with medication or a fairly expensive long term quarterly injection and medication. I opted for the latter and thus my journey in combating cancer started. It is now 5 years since and with the grace of God I am still continuing to lead a fulfilling life.


The continued fight with never lowering your guard coupled with enormous moral support from family and friends- at this point I would like to mention the contribution of Connect To Heal support group. The fortnightly meeting proved a source of inspiration and motivation whilst creating a forum for exchanging views/comparing notes with other cancer survivors and professional Counselors- Has sustained me throughout this ongoing battle.And the pay off for all this discipline - I am able to lead a near normal life and as energetic as earlier, continuing to keep myself occupied with a full time job.


This ongoing effort and how to take this battle into the enemies camp (Cancer), I will discuss later in my next write up.

Padma and the Kitten story

My eyes still fill up when I think of the kitten I gave away. There are also times when I break down and sob away, particulary when I see the image of the kitty in the cage; how she moaned ,the grief from her tiny heart as if here is one more loss to bear in the short span on this earth. We still hear her meow whatever time of the day and night. Even at mid night when my husband goes for a warm drink she meows ,saying hey I am here too, and then we shut her up cruelly saying go back to sleep its not yet morning.

She lost her mother maybe in the 2nd week, she was still nursing.Slowly we helped her find her feet and now we've given her away to CUPA and my daily prayers and reiki is that she finds a better home with an younger couple not so rigid in their ways.

Why did it affect me so much?

Answer to this question is in the brief conversation I had with a friend...-we were talking about finding her a home and she couldn't help and said maybe I am meant to keep her. She also wondered whose soul the kitty has and we spoke about my mother-in- law and mother as both were fond of cats. I told her it must be my mother for I see her looking at me with so much love!!

This brings me to the core issue- I feel once again I have been derelict in my duty. My mother was diagnosed with cancer of the rectum and all though in Stage one, she overtly looked not so bothered and treated the disease and herself casually .
The timing of the disease was inconvenient(when is it otherwise?) and I reassured myself that being a doctor she knew how to deal with it. Slowly the days passed and we all ignored her. Atlast I forced her to see the doctor and even bullied her assistant to tell me what to do- she agreed and then consulted many doctors who recommended surgery - resulting in colostomy. This was a shock,and again she never shared her feelings!! Or did I not listen active enough to pick up her grief?

Outwardly I did all that a daughter could do...helped her through her hospitalisation and brought her home. She preferred to be in her own place so she left for her home.She had the staff at ther beck and call and me with my endemic habit of feeling ' I don't know enough' played a passive role. She started getting weaker.We celebrated my birthday and two days later she took to bed. She lost control over her body functions and therefore wanted to reverse the surgery. Doctors warned her that at least 6 weeks need to go to prepare the body-she was stubborn and being a senior physician they gave in. She was discharged and went back to her place and continued working for the next 2 months.A month later she stopped eating and again I took her to the hospital to correct her dehydration. She forced ryle's tube-shehated it.

She asked to be discharged and they gave in as nothing much could be done. The doctor ased me why don't I take her home? I said i am scared. Anyway, my other brother came down-she was staying with my brother- and she lived another week. I remember making drum stick soup-her cook was very possessive about her kitchen and feed her a spoonful. She relished it.When she came home at night next day she started having difficulty in breathing and being far away from town she did not get assistance till next day and managed with oxygen. Next day she was shifted to her clinic and that was the last day! I was with her that night. At 2.30 I got up and saw her 'not awake' and lovingly ran my hand over her face, talked to her and went to sleep. A while later my brother came running to say she is no more!!
What was my learning?-I could have been more proactive, listened to my heart, had more trust in myself and been more assertive. The Kitty taught me all this. I tend to run away when the going gets tough!!
This kitty helped me grieve for my mother who died 5 yers ago. Then I was busy with funeral arrangement and all that. Did not deal with the anger that I felt at her abandoning me. My earth shook and I distracted myself and got back to work. This kitty showed me how what is 'unconditiional' love, courage, and grit and determination. I have learned that others could feel differently from me- mine is not the only way.
So Goodbye my mother. You are still in my heart. I see your picture every morning and thank you for making me who I am (warts and all) for showing me to have dreams(although many of yours remained just that) and giving me courage. I am also becoming like you finicky, controlling(which the kitty corrected) and wanting to make a difference in this world.

by Padma Mahadev

Mamata's Life story ; Positive Thinking

I am Mamatha Shetty,a Cancer Survivor.

At the outset,I would like to apprise all the readers of this article that as a survivor,I have become a stronger person mentally and physically than I was before.

I am a survivor for the last 25 years.During the time I was diagnosed,awareness of this disease was minimal.There were no Counsellors or Support Groups, to help one,through those difficult days.

I went through the travails of the disease,I would say,only with one thought in mind,that I would survive!From day one,it was a challenge.With a very supportive family and my strong conviction,I have overcome the disease.

There were other factors too which helped me in this battle.I was fortunate enough that the disease was diagnosed in an early stage.The doctors who treated me were very competent.The follow up treatment was harsh. But with my determination to live and with my positive thinking, it passed off well.

Along with the treatment,I took extra care to bring my ravaged body back to normal health.Balanced diet,regular exercises,yoga etc .became my life style.Because of this life style,even at 72 years of age,I have all the energy and enthusiasm to lead an active life.

I have published a memoir,titled 'Leaves from the book of life"after gaining more insight to life ,during these 25 years.Future is an uncertainty for all human beings,isn't it?

I believe in

1.being positive.

2.appreciate the gift of life.

3. be a support to those who face the same situation as I did years ago.

Positive thinking is the key factor in my struggle.

Padma's life lesson from her 'missing kitten' Grieving for my mother

My eyes still fill up when I think of the kitten I gave away. There are also times when I break down and sob away, particulary when I see the image of the kitty in the cage; how she moaned ,the grief from her tiny heart as if here is one more loss to bear in the short span on this earth. We still hear her meow whatever time of the day and night. Even at mid night when my husband goes for a warm drink she meows ,saying hey I am here too, and then we shut her up cruelly saying go back to sleep its not yet morning.

She lost her mother maybe in the 2nd week, she was still nursing.Slowly we helped her find her feet and now we've given her away to CUPA and my daily prayers and reiki is that she finds a better home with an younger couple not so rigid in their ways.

Why did it affect me so much?

Answer to this question is in the brief conversation I had with a friend...-we were talking about finding her a home and she couldn't help and said maybe I am meant to keep her. She also wondered whose soul the kitty has and we spoke about my mother-in- law and mother as both were fond of cats. I told her it must be my mother for I see her looking at me with so much love!!

This brings me to the core issue- I feel once again I have been derelict in my duty. My mother was diagnosed with cancer of the rectum and all though in Stage one, she overtly looked not so bothered and treated the disease and herself casually .
The timing of the disease was inconvenient(when is it otherwise?) and I reassured myself that being a doctor she knew how to deal with it. Slowly the days passed and we all ignored her. Atlast I forced her to see the doctor and even bullied her assistant to tell me what to do- she agreed and then consulted many doctors who recommended surgery - resulting in colostomy. This was a shock,and again she never shared her feelings!! Or did I not listen active enough to pick up her grief?

Outwardly I did all that a daughter could do...helped her through her hospitalisation and brought her home. She preferred to be in her own place so she left for her home.She had the staff at ther beck and call and me with my endemic habit of feeling ' I don't know enough' played a passive role. She started getting weaker.We celebrated my birthday and two days later she took to bed. She lost control over her body functions and therefore wanted to reverse the surgery. Doctors warned her that at least 6 weeks need to go to prepare the body-she was stubborn and being a senior physician they gave in. She was discharged and went back to her place and continued working for the next 2 months.A month later she stopped eating and again I took her to the hospital to correct her dehydration. She forced ryle's tube-shehated it.

She asked to be discharged and they gave in as nothing much could be done. The doctor ased me why don't I take her home? I said i am scared. Anyway, my other brother came down-she was staying with my brother- and she lived another week. I remember making drum stick soup-her cook was very possessive about her kitchen and feed her a spoonful. She relished it.When she came home at night next day she started having difficulty in breathing and being far away from town she did not get assistance till next day and managed with oxygen. Next day she was shifted to her clinic and that was the last day! I was with her that night. At 2.30 I got up and saw her 'not awake' and lovingly ran my hand over her face, talked to her and went to sleep. A while later my brother came running to say she is no more!!
What was my learning?-I could have been more proactive, listened to my heart, had more trust in myself and been more assertive. The Kitty taught me all this. I tend to run away when the going gets tough!!
This kitty helped me grieve for my mother who died 5 yers ago. Then I was busy with funeral arrangement and all that. Did not deal with the anger that I felt at her abandoning me. My earth shook and I distracted myself and got back to work. This kitty showed me how what is 'unconditiional' love, courage, and grit and determination. I have learned that others could feel differently from me- mine is not the only way.
So Goodbye my mother. You are still in my heart. I see your picture every morning and thank you for making me who I am (warts and all) for showing me to have dreams(although many of yours remained just that) and giving me courage. I am also becoming like you finicky, controlling(which the kitty corrected) and wanting to make a difference in this world.

by Padma Mahadev

A recent report in a daily mentioned statistics of survival rate of cancer patients , those who were depressed and those who had a 'positive' outlook towards recovery. Real life tracking of such patients has revealed a positive corelation between a 'positive' attitude and complete recovery.
Mind heals the body , mind controls the body.
When we consider ourselves worthy of treatment and recovery , when we love ourselves enough to not only seek a rational and objective route to treatment , we also dispel 'fear' , the 'negative energy' that it generates. A mind which is positive and carries hope also stimulates the body's natural mechanism to recover and heal.

Tryst with cancer
By Pany parmar

My learning …..

Cancer is a disease like others and unlike others too…. It has peculiar symptoms and treatment, the presentation and progress of the disease depends on the organ it inflicts, yet each case, its prognosis, treatment, affect of treatment, lifespan is individual specific. You need not get influenced by statistics of the disease. Choose your own recovery process
It does not apply only to cancer, but to life in general…. Cancer is not in your control but your response to the situation is in your hands. It affects the manner in which you understand yourself, the disease, the treatment and still feel in control. Losing power to cancer or to any other situation depends on your attitude.
Cancer need not be a death sentence …. Many cancers if detected in time can be completely cured …so don’t take give up without a course of right diagnosis and treatment
When I learnt that my father has cancer of the lungs which does not have any cure, till date, I knew I had limited time with him…. I did not take this badly …on the contrary once I accepted the situation and got over the initial grief and shock, I saw it as a positive ….. I had the luxury of spending time with him, talking to him, holding his hands knowing that there is limited time. How many of us have this kind of an experience wherein you can say goodbyes to your loved ones , get an opportunity to be around them, look after them , let them know that they are loved and cared for ? Death has to come sooner or later, it is what you do with your life that matters. In many ways knowing that he has a limited life, he put his finances in order, made out a will, met all his dear friends and relatives from around the globe …. Made the best of his otherwise ‘helpless’ situation.
After spending time with him in those 6 months , I learnt important lessons of my life some of which are …
Life is in the here and now …live each day fully, without postponing pleasures
so that there are no regrets when it is time to leave

In the end, it does not matter how big your car or house or bank balance is, but how rich, deep and faithful your relationships are.

Work on your own priorities and lead a balanced work –life, lest you regret later

Acceptance of the situation and clarity of what is in your control and what is not really helps to move forward. Focus your energies on what you can control or change, the biggest being your own attitude and you will see the difference it makes

It is easy to gain sympathy of others using the crutch of ‘cancer’ or any other situation but do you want to gain sympathy or find strength in your resources?
You need to be aware of your intentions and act according to the reaction you want from others. My dad continued his work, meet other people and asked for help when he needed it , which made it so much easier to look after him. He did not use any form of evoking guilt or sympathy in his caretakers and I enjoyed listening and interacting with him till the last day. He would cry unabashedly knowing his end is near but that was grief, not whining, not bitterness as to why this had happened to him. He was also free of anxiety of death due to his spiritual development and did not believe in religious ritualistic practices .He took life as it came, without undue concern of the future and when the end was near he said he had lived a full life with no regrets. He had scheduled a large gathering of friends and relatives over lunch on a Sunday, he passed away a week prior to the date and the ‘bhog’ was attended by all his loved ones on that very day. This, when he could barely walk, breathe and was mostly in hospital.

We discovered Dad’s cancer( cancer of the small cells in the lungs) at the last stage , not due to any oversight, but because that cancer presents itself and progresses very fast, He lived for 6months during which he underwent three rounds of chemotherapy which did not yield any result. He died a few days short of his 67th birthday, surrounded by his family and best friend.
I experienced grief and shock but never questioned the will of destiny. Its been ten and a half years since he left us. There is pain of his loss and a void which will never get filled but there is no regret, no bitterness, no hurt.

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